From: davebennett	Date: May 11th, 2010 03:03 am (UTC)		(Link)

Ah, the joys of family negotiations. When it is just the two of you, and you are both reasonably responsible adults, it is fairly simple to manage family logistics. But when you add a little person, then the rubber finally meets the road. Now we really get to see who is willing to give 100%. What? you thought to make it work you would each put in 50%? Not really. Now that you are parents, you have to put in way more than 50% to make it work. (For a good relationship even without kids you each need to be giving more than 50%, and not keeping score).

Miriam, I think you are probably a fantastic mother, because you are a good person. If you feel like you are doing the majority of the work, then, when you are in a good space and the baby's asleep, sit down with the spousal unit and negotiate exactly what you think is fair. Do it calmly and fairly, and don't expect too much up front, but stick to your guns and you should be able to hammer out an agreement you both will feel happy with.

You will almost certainly still end up doing 'more than your share.' You can either resent it or accept it, but either way that is most likely how it will shake out. You can blame it on biology, or society, or whatever, but unless your man has had a phenomenal example in his father (and mother) he will probably think that that is the way it should be. Even if it shouldn't.

Good luck. Remember, it really is worth it. And, to quote Super Chicken, "You knew the job was dangerous when you took it."